Phase Four: No More Hiding
It’s been exactly a year to the day Karmen came into my life. But she disappeared before I got the chance to thank her for her pushy ways. I never would have gotten out of the hospital alive had she not stuck her nose in my business. Though my life has taken a turn for the better, I’ve got perfect healing, I’m walking as if that car accident had never happened to me, still I’ve never felt so lonely and empty all at the same time. At first I was angry with her betrayal. She promised to see me through til the end, but she didn’t. She just stopped. Everything.
But now, real concern has overtaken me. Where could she have gone? I get I wasn’t the nicest when my ex showed up from nowhere, but it was no reason for her to leave me hanging. I should be enjoying the day but Karmen stays in the forefront of my thoughts. Sometimes I thought I saw her but my eyes have been playing tricks on me for the past two months. I have nothing to go on, she’s a ghost who came and went like so many others.
Her face haunts me, so does her smile but I know she would have wanted me to live life without regrets. She was always forward thinking in that way. It’s time I finish my morning walk. With just a few blocks to go, I’ll be able to get ready for my day at the office. But just as I’m settling at the corner, my eyes starting playing tricks on me again. I shake my head, but her image is still there, staring back at me with a frown. Damn it all to hell, it is Karmen! As I start toward her, she turns and walks away- from me.
“Wait! Karmen!” Making sure I don’t get him, I cross the street safely, sprinting to catch up to her. I grab her shoulder and spin her around. “What are you doing? Where have you been?!” I ask frantically.
“What do you care?” She was angry with me over something I had no idea I’ve done.
“You lied to me. You told me you’d be there for me when I needed you.”
“You’re putting the blame on me when you threw me out of your room? Really?”
“I never threw you out.”
“You did. You’re the one who stopped needed me when your ex showed up. I hope you two live a long happy life together. You two deserve each other.”
“Now hold on a minute. What gives you the idea I’m with my ex?”
“Are you kidding me right now?” she added exasperated. “When she asked you who I was to you, you said I was no one.”
“Whoa, whoa! I never said that and had you listened all the way through, you would have caught the rest of the conversation. What I told her was, you were no one she needed to be concerned with. You were the one there for me, butting into my business, taking care of me, not her. And I made it crystal clear that she and I were never getting back together. Now what do you have to say about that?”
“That’s not what I heard.”
“You heard what you wanted to hear. You’re so afraid of getting close to someone you ended up hurting and sabotaging yourself. I’m sorry but, you don’t get to hide any longer. You owe me a years worth of care.”
“I don’t owe you anything.”
“You do and you owe me some babies! I’ve been worried sick over you and you’re going to make up every second of it. I could have had a baby by now had you know disappeared on me.” I stated.
“I’m not having babies.”
“You are and you’re going to thank me when all’s said and done. I don’t know if you noticed, but we made love in my hospital room and it was brutal and honest and don’t think I’m going to give that up over a year’s worth of a misunderstanding. It’s time to put up or shut up and you’re putting up everything you got.”
“You…” I watch her falter. After all, what could she say even if she found the words? I recognized she wanted something more from me then, but it took me a while to admit I wanted the same. And yeah, I’m charging that to her since she left me alone to think about what I truly wanted. Yeah, it ain’t fair, but I don’t play by anyone’s rules. So, sue me!