CONFESSION #3

Sakura

She faithfully falls at his feet

he sweeps her elegance away

in favor of a bonsai tree

to wire up for bondage.

Momma told me not to marry him, but I did it anyway. We were in love and I wasn’t going to let anyone get in the way of that. We married when I was eighteen, fresh out of high school, full of dreams. Now I wish I’d heeded to my moms warning. Scott and I have been married for fifteen years and the night I came home from work, I was shocked speechless at the image before my eyes. There he was in tan chaps and a Stetson with a brown leather whip in his hand. A woman as black as tar was bent over on our bed with her arms bound behind her back, wearing a gag tied around her face.

Scott looked up from what he was doing and caught me out of his peripheral and stared at me, none surprised.

“Hi.”

Hi? What the…am I the stranger here? The woman turned her face toward me and the only thing visible was her flashlight like eyes. Lust and mischief shone in her eyes and it was repulsive.

“What do you think you are doing Scott?”

“Having fun,” he added. “You could join us at any time.” Join them? Who the hell did I marry? Turning his attention back to his slave, the thwack of the whip over her skin caused me to jump. Storming through the hall, I exit my home and climb back into my car, mind blown. I sat there wondering how our marriage had come to this. What didn’t I do right? Is this even fixable? I didn’t know but I had to get away from there to somewhere quiet.

I stayed away two weeks in a hotel just to clear my head. I’m sitting in front of my home dreading looking Scott in the face. I’m embarrassed and I hadn’t done anything wrong. Steadying my trembling hands, I unlock the car, climb out and rest at the front door. Shoulders back and head up, I slide the key into the lock, turn it and push the front door ajar. My heart is racing as I step inside. The house was quiet but I could smell maple syrup, waffles, bacon and eggs and a fresh pot of coffee hanging in the air.

Scott appears from the back of the house with his plate and coffee cup; he stops and smiles at me. “Welcome back.” Off he disappears into the kitchen leaving me utterly speechless. Minutes later he reappears, leaning against the wall. We both stare at one another and I’m the only one shaking my head in disbelief. “I was wondering how long you’d stay away.”

“As if you cared.”

“I do.”

“How could you? You brought a third-party into our marriage, in our bed!”

“Don’t be so hysterical. I didn’t penetrate her.”

“Hysterical?! I’m the crazy one now?”

“You could have joined us at anytime Faith.”

“What you’ve done is sick Scott.”

“It’s not. We were having fun, releasing a little stress. You need to loosen up yourself. You take life way too seriously, Faith.”

“What could I have possibly done wrong to you? I’ve done everything in my power to please you. I’m practically your loving servant. What did I do wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? Then why?”

“Just as you’ve stated, you’ve done everything right. But you’re wrong about one thing, you are not my servant.”

“I really don’t understand.”

“You’re so perfect, you do everything according to your moral compass. How can I breathe when you’re so right all the time?”

“Are you putting this on me because you have some sick fantasies?”

“This is why I never made mention of my true desires. I knew you’d judge me for them. And there’s nothing sick about what I like.”

“Have you lost all of your mind? Huh?”

“Before all is said and done, you’re going to end up just. like. me.”

“Never.” I turn and stomp away into a room I could only assume that hadn’t been used for role-playing and slammed the door.

“Keep running honey, just keep running.”

Months flew by and I kept a blind eye away from Scott and his extra circular activities. Every other Monday and Saturday he had a new slave in our bedroom doing God knows what to. This last time, I couldn’t take the screaming and the sound of flesh being abused, so I left. I went to a local bar for a drink.

My first drink was a white Russian, my second, a Margarita and final was a few shots of tequila. I was slightly buzzed. Being slightly inebriated numbed the sting of betrayal swirling in my heart. As I fished for a few bills, a man-made his home on the stool beside me and stared.

“What?”

“I’m just admiring your beauty.”

“Save it pal, I’m married.”

“It was just a compliment.” He shrugged, adjusting in his seat then ordered a beer and kept his eyes forward. I slithered from the stool embarrassed as heat flushed my face. Exiting, I  search for my car but ended up on my butt. I stumbled and tripped over a hole in the parking lot, scraping my knee. Tears escape my eyes and land on my wound sending a salty tingle to my nerves. Cursed hole, I accuse.

As I’m struggling in my stupor, a hand slides in front of my eyes, causing me to look heavenward.

“Come on, I’ll help you up.” It’s the guy that was flirting with me at the bar.

“Are you following me?” Still I don’t accept his hand and fuss my way to my feet.

“You can say I’m a concerned citizen. You’ve obviously had too much to drink.”

“I’m fine, I just tripped over this stupid hole in the ground.”

“It isn’t safe for you to drive. You should call someone.”

“I said I’m fine. Worry about yourself.” I probably left him looking grim-faced but I didn’t care, I had more pressing matters going on in my life.When I arrived home Scott was sitting on the couch sipping coffee and scrolling through news articles.

“Where have you been?” As if he cares, I silently muse.

“Out.” He smirks and I storm pass him back into my hiding box. Smug bastard.

The following morning I awoke to a pounding skull. I felt as if someone held an iron stake against my head and split it down the middle. Dragging my self from the bed, I slide against the wall feeling my way to the knob on the door. Sunlight pierced my vision causing me to scrunch my nose and contort my features. Waves of nausea stirred in the pit of my stomach. I breathe shallow controlled breaths padding my way out the door and into the kitchen. Coffee, I need coffee. There was a fresh pot brewed and I thank the heavens.

“I figured you might need something to cure your hangover.”

“Just. stop. talking.” My head was already warring with my apparent nausea. Scott doubles back then the front door clicks shut. Peace and quiet, thank God. I sip my piping liquid gold in the comfort of a wicker chair in my hide out after I close every blind filtering in sunlight. Resting my head against the back of the chair, last night’s chatter replayed in my mind. I was rude to someone who tried to lend his services. I’m never rude. I wish there was a way to apologize for my behavior. I suppose I shouldn’t worry too much over it, it’s not as if I’ll be seeing that man again. But still I should try to track him down at the bar.

The following night I showed up at the bar looking for that stranger but he was nowhere in sight. I tried for five nights in a row before the sixth he made his reappearance.

“Hello.” I tap him on the shoulder and he turns staring at me. “I don’t mean to disturb you…you probably don’t remember me but I want to apologize for my behavior the other night. You were just trying to help and I acted like an ass.”

“I remember you. Would you care for a drink?”

“No.” I held my hands up to protest.

“How about you keep me company?”

“I really shouldn’t.”

“I forgot, you’re married.”

“It’s just…I wouldn’t be very good company for you.”

“Never know until you give it a shot. Come on, I have a booth reserved just for me. We can talk there.”

“I don’t know.”

“I promise I don’t bite.”

Against my better judgment, I followed him, and I kept following him night after night until the unthinkable happened. I woke up one morning wrapped in sheets. Naked!

“Morning.” I look up at this stranger…I didn’t even get his name…with wide terrified eyes and begin to sob. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” I whined between hurried gasps, “I’m an adulterer. I never meant for this to happen. I’m so sorry. I’ll get my things and leave.”

“I’m not kicking you out.”

“I shouldn’t be here.”

“What’s done is done. You can’t take it back. Come back to bed. I can fix us breakfast.”

“No, no! I have to go.”

“We’ll see each other again.” He replied a little to confident.

“No, we won’t.” In a rush, I dressed and clomped down the third floor stairs and out the apartment building until I located my car. I stuff myself behind the wheel and slam the door after me. How could this have happened? I am not this person!

I had to get home and what was I going to tell Scott? Just then his words hit me between the eyes. “Before all is said and done, you’re going to end up just. like. me.” Tears threatened my vision but I wouldn’t let them fall. Scott cheated first and this wasn’t my fault. My intentions were pure. Starting the engine, I had a lot of time to think about what had transpired before I pulled into my driveway.

I open the door and peek inside hoping Scott wasn’t home. He was, leaning against the wall gazing at me in question.

“Good morning. Welcome home. Where have you been?”

“Out.”

“Doing what?”

“I don’t want to talk right now?”

“Why? Do you have something to tell me?”

“No.”

“Nothing at all?”

“Nothing.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“What is it Scott?”

“How does it feel?”

“Excuse me?”

“How does it feel to be with another man?” He smiled at me and I didn’t like it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Leave me alone.”

“I didn’t hide the fact that I had a particular fetish from you, but now you’re lying to me. It’s refreshing to see a chink in your righteous armor.”

“I-”

“You enjoyed being a slave didn’t you? You did everything he ordered you to do, didn’t you?”

“Shut up!”

“I know you did because I setup the whole scenario. It didn’t take long for you to give in Faith.”

“You’re such as bastard Scott!”

“And you loved every bit of it. You have another side to you and you hide it. You think my fetish is a little out there, yet you let him tie you up. Faith you may as well join me for one of my sessions. Come on, I’ll ease you into it. Being bound up isn’t a bad thing at all.”

©Copyright privatethoughtsmadepublic. 2016.

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