Slaying Our Dragons

I see my past in your present. It’s a bitter scene to see imps with pitchforks hovering around you, waiting for your moment of vulnerability to shine bright into their abysmal eyes.

I keep a vigilant watch over all that you are; the sudden shifts in your mood, the happy mask you wear in public, but in private you’re on your knees wailing for a moments rest for your tortured soul.

“What’s the point in all this misery? What future do I have?” he inquires of me.

“A bright one.” I add.

I know he’s trying to keep from drowning in a sea of desperation yet no one has ever told him that he’s stronger than he knows. There’s strength in letting go, there’s life in the unknown. Right now he’s in such a place. He doesn’t know which way to go or who to turn to.

We all are warring with something in our lives, but what’s important is that we don’t give up. Everyone that’s breathing has a purpose and we’d be robbing others of a chance to hear our stories, how we got through our trauma, if we’re still in it, how have we gotten to the place where we don’t hurt quite as much.

It’s true that things get worse before it gets better. Moving into the unknown isn’t for the faint at heart. It takes being broken completely. Ironically, while we’re being broken, we’re being built at the same time.

The difficult and scary part is not warring with our problems, it’s when we arrive safely on the other side. Take depression for example, those of us who have lived with it for many years know how excruciating it can be. Depression is familiar, it becomes a sort of crutch, Vodka to an alcoholic.

Once I worked through depression, I found myself in a new place with a clean slate. I couldn’t see my way, I was walking blind. I was faced with a choice, do I go back to what’s familiar or walk into the unknown. This is a valid question one asks his or herself after they’ve made it safely on the other side. Who in their right mind would to go back to that kind of misery? So, I chose to go forward.  Now I just said I was safely on the other side, and that is true. What I should also add is that every step that I took, the ground seemed as if it was going to crumble from under me. I had to relearn how to walk, how to see, how to speak, how to think and how to deal with the things that scared me. Instead of running from my problems, I face them head on. There’s really no other way around it. And what’s more I was happy and terrified as I was slaying my dragons!

The thing about coming from pure misery to happiness is that once you acquire happiness, you’re afraid to actually speak it aloud. I know I was. I thought something awful was going to happen. Well, the world didn’t come to an end and I managed to steady myself in the process. I lost just as much as I gained in the process.

So when someone asks you if their life is worth living because they are going through one of the most devastating moments in their life, tell them that their life is worth living, and help carry them through it. Sometimes all we can do is be there. For those who have no clue what it’s like to live with depression, do yourself and that person a favor and try not to get yourself killed by saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. They really don’t want to kill you, I promise.


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