Feminism: Is it Just About Equality or Just Plain Selfishness?

Definition of feminism: is the radical notion than women are people.

I take no issue with this definition. What I take issue with is the behavior that accompanies this belief. I believe that there is a place for men and for women and the two should not cross, rather, don’t try to take over a man’s territory. I also see that the roles have certainly switched when it comes to a man’s role. The way I see it, men should be the one’s working since he is the head of the household (if married), this also isn’t to say that women shouldn’t work. If that’s what the woman chooses, then I don’t see a problem with it. While the man/husband should have a great part in raising and protecting his family, it’s not a good idea to have him “babysit” his children. Raising children is primarily the woman’s job as she is (but not always) the maternal one. There’s no doubt that both parents need to take part in their child’s life but there should be clear lines set. A woman can never, no matter how hard she tries, teach what a man can teach his son, same goes for men. Men can never take the place of what a mother can do. Men and women were designed differently, we don’t even think alike. We help balance each other; men are more logical whereas women, more emotional.

While my mother raised myself and my sisters by herself, there was always a present absence that not even I could miss. A piece of me was missing. I needed my dad growing up and I’m sure he could have taught me a great deal, but by him not being in my life, I had to learn life the hard way. That way was through great-aunts, my grandmother, and (their) family friends. It wasn’t healthy for me to hear the things I was hearing. There were one of many mantras that was seared into my mind, one was “what’s mine is mine and what’s his is mine.” The trend of robbing a man blind has been cycling full throttle since before I was born. The older women in my family don’t believe in bending, especially when it comes to a man. If he is able-bodied, then he should do for himself. Yes, a man should take care of himself, but he is not a dollar sign. I truly believe that most of the women in my family forget that men are just that, men, and first and foremost, someone’s son. Men are treated and talked about worse than dogs.

Speaking of dogs, that’s what many women refer to men as. They are only that is you prefer to shop at a dog pound. With the feminist movement, a great deal has been lost, and as far as I can see, many woman have stepped over the line and have gone beyond the call of duty when it comes to attaining equality. What I see is women stepping all over men, and it doesn’t matter what sector it’s in. Even their own family, marriage, careers are a risk because women don’t know the meaning of stop. Yes I said it, stop. Women are working themselves into an early grave trying to do what men can do, we weren’t designed to do what men can do, nor were we designed to be equal to a man. I honestly don’t understand why a woman would want to be equal to a man in every way. Sometimes I think women don’t know what they want and if per chance they do, they’re willing to take it by force no matter the cost.

There are two sides to every story, yes? Some women, especially single mothers have no other option but to work either because of a divorce or simply because the man chose to play space ghost. I understand these situations. My mom was in this exact situation and I remember how hard it was for her. She had to do what she had to do to raise her children. It would be nice if men would step up and claim their place in the lives of their children. It makes a huge difference in a child’s life whether they know it or not.

In combination with being raised in a single parent household and the derogatory comments that female relatives made towards men, this got into my head and seeped into my spirit. Soon enough I began unconsciously acting out those same mantras that had been passed down from generation to generation. It’s sneaky almost sadistic how indoctrination happens. It can be right up under your nose and you’d never know the wiser. That my friend is scary! When I realized that I was bashing men, it was an uh-oh moment. Thankfully, I was made aware of it when I was 18,19-ish years old! Even when I was made aware of it, I rejected it. I didn’t need some guy telling me what to do, opening car or restaurant doors for me and I certainly did not need him paying for any of my meals because I was INDEPENDENT! Ha, boy was I wrong! I was consistently told never to let a guy do anything for you because he’s always going to expect something in return. I wasn’t the kind of person to have some kind of debt hanging over my head.

Anytime my friend (male) and I went to the movies or a restaurant, there was never a discussion about who would pay, he always just did it. He told me his mother raised him that way, to be a gentlemen. At 19 that’s really unheard of. Once I tried to pay for my meal, he told me to put away my money and I remember staring at him like he was out of his mind. I had a good mind to challenge him, and on many occasions, I did. I also remember when we’d arrived back at my house from the theatre, I reached for the car door hand and he told me, don’t even think about getting out and take my hand off the handle. I said, “excuse me?” and he said, “you heard me.” Well as you can imagine, that didn’t sit well with me. I sat that thinking to myself, “no he didn’t, he obviously doesn’t know who he’s talking to, he don’t tell me what to do.” But all the while I sat there until he rounded that car and opened the door for me to get out. I felt like the power I had or imagined I had hand been taken away from me. Simple put, I was afraid. Afraid of what? Being vulnerable. It felt weird having a guy who willingly did nice things for me without expecting something back.

I didn’t grow up that way. It was always do for self because no one is going to do for you like you can. Notice the words self and you? It’s all singular. That’s how my mind was set. It was all about me and how I wanted things done and to go. Life doesn’t work like that! I think women who jockey to infiltrate a man’s position in order to take over is on some power trip. Women (some) always have something to prove and I don’t understand that either. I believe most women don’t want to bend, compromise or even listen. It isn’t so much about equality anymore, but control, and if somehow men are trailing behind women, all the better. That is the mindset I see raging these days. If I could say anything it would be it’s one thing to challenge a man to do better but another to push him from his spot. A man will always be a man. That’s how he’s built, and if he feels even the slightest of a threat, he’s going to defend what he’s worked hard to attain. It’s just that simple. Sorry women, but many of us need to be shut down and put in our places.

Now, as for what I’ve learned/learning. It took years to figure out how to treat a man and I’m still acquiring knowledge. I’m still learning what and what not to say, when to say it and more importantly, how to state my opinion. I’m still learning to encourage men, doesn’t matter what man it is, even though they can be blockheads and are going down the wrong path. Power doesn’t come by shouting/yelling at a man, rather we have to be skillful in guiding our men to where they need to go. I’ve put this into practice at my college as a student and as an employee. You’d be amazed by what men are willing to do if we humble ourselves as women. Humbling ourselves isn’t an act of weakness, but a strong one. It’s character building if women can manage to get close to mastering this. I think it’s selfish and self-defeating to not work on humility. I hear women complaining about how they can’t find a good man, or if a man crosses their path, they have this impossible list that the man has to live up to. Seriously? It’s good to have standards but don’t set the bar so high in the stratosphere that no man can reach it.

I’ll stop here for now because I’ve probably just ticked off a horde of women. If so, all the better. It’s high-time many of us women should pull it together! Sometimes I think men view some women like the picture below. I’ll let you figure this one out.



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