Blackbox

SkyIf someone could recover your black box, what would you want them to see or know in your final moments of life? If someone could literally rewind my life through a black box, I’d want them to see the hard work I’d put in to build good character. I’d want that person(s) to know how I truly felt though couldn’t reveal because of moral reasons. I’d want it to be known that I’d walked the talk. There’s nothing more annoying than someone who blows hot air all the time.

When I uttered the words I love you, it didn’t mean today I love you but tomorrow I won’t. Love isn’t hinged on what you will or won’t do for me.  I want it to be known that I wanted the best for you. I wanted and needed you so much but never had permission to tell you. I wanted to be your friend but never could get quite close enough to you; time ran out.

I tried to make a significant difference in the lives I’ve come across. I was brave and courageous when I needed to be. I didn’t settle for mediocrity, that I challenged others to think outside their norm. I’d want someone to know that I was faithful and present in their time of need. That I listened and heard, not just with my ears, but with my heart as well.

I didn’t stop when hardship made its presences known; I’m not a quitter! I managed to see the best in chaotic situations. People should know that I wasn’t perfect, that I had flaws. They should know that I wanted to be understood and understanding of others. I’ve suffered through depression and came out okay, not whole, but okay.  I’ve trusted and have been betrayed. That I’ve been Judas at times, that I’ve judged others too harshly, and have been forced to have mercy on those whose wronged me. I’ve been a coward; knowing the truth and not speaking up because I didn’t want to get involved with another’s matter.

I’ve hated, been jealous, coveted what wasn’t mine to covet. I’ve lied to get out of trouble. I’ve fallen into the traps of peer pressure all the while trying to fit in. As I’ve gotten older, fitting in isn’t important. Don’t get me wrong, we all want a place to fit and be accepted, but not to the extent of disowning who you are. I’ve had to learn to love and accept myself, which is a process. I wasn’t made to fit in, rather, the opposite.

I want someone to know that time brought about a change in me. I don’t do the things I did as a child, nor do I have the same thought process. I’m less selfish, more compassionate and patient, who’s willing to extend her hand or lend her heart. My priorities have changed! When someone needed to talk, I listened at that moment, not later or tomorrow, but at that moment!

It’s not promised that I’ll get another chance to see that person, or for them to see me again. I’ve learned to take time out of my day to greet strangers, to check on the ones I profess to love.  I want you who’s viewing my black box to know that you too will be subject to all these things. No one escapes life unblemished. Life isn’t perfect nor are you or I, no matter how holy we think we are.

You will go through many stages in life, you adjust, make better choices. Remember not to judge too harshly. Remember to love even though you’ll get hurt. Remember to be kind, patient, compassionate, and longsuffering because you would want the same in return.

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